I Remember

When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, it wasn't something everybody expected. Coming from a healthy and sturdy woman like my grandmother. The news shook the entire family. We don't have anyone from our line of family diagnose with cancer, it was definitely a shock to us. 

The sound of my mother's footsteps padding around the house getting our things wake me up from my nap. Grandmother was admitted in the hospital long before but on that day the hospital give us a phone call which rush the entire family. Confused I woke up from my nap and immediately get ready. Not giving much thought on my appearance, I snatch a red checkered blouse and black pair of jeans from my wardrobe. The air seems tense and the 35 minutes journey heading to the hospital is much longer than I thought. Due to the silence, each minutes passed by is quite dreadful when nobody has the courage to speak up. I look up to my mom and asked her of my grandmother's condition. 

"Will tok survive?" the question did not even startle my mother. At that very moment anything is possible. Her eyes are on the road but she did answer to me. "Honestly, I don't know" it is on that very moment everything seems to resurface. Your loved ones could be standing in front of you today but say goodbye to you the next. 

Upon arriving the atmosphere became even more suffocating, receiving phone call had not always been rainbows and fairy tales precisely when the caller is the least expected from your contact list. My mother and I rush towards the lobby and hop into the elevator. Both of us have our lips sealed but the expression on our face speak volume. My mother doesn't speak a word and so do I, yet her red eyes explain she was trying to hold it together. 

The ward is the same since my last visit, they smelled of anti-septic and sometimes the smell sting the nose. When we get into the ward, we see other relatives have arrived too. They are crowding my grandmother bed whispering some du'a and send their apology as if their last. My mother doesn't say much and quickly take a seat at the corner of the space near the bed and recite the Yasin. All of my relatives have their eyes on my grandmother's pale face, hushed whisper could be heard among them. I simply stood there eyeing everyone's movement. 

My grandmother's breathing is getting uneven and the blood gushing out from where the life support machine was inserted send my cousin quick on her toes to notify the doctor. Immediately five doctors are there, forcing those who crowd the bed to move to another empty space available. One of the doctor place his stethoscope on my grandmother's chest while other monitor her condition. Everybody seems to know that seems to be the last moment of her and us. The doctors are on discussion for a moment before they come to deliver the news. I witness my cousin engage in the discussion with the doctors and her face says it all and it is not one pleasant news. 

The life support machine come to a stop and we could see my grandmother breathe her last on 18th May 2013 giving in to cancer. Everyone let out a silent tear as weeping will be rude to the dead. I still can't properly grasp the news and only able to utter a short innalilah to my late grandmother.